I don't even know where to begin.But I'll try anyway. In the fall of 2020, I felt utterly stuck. I've been living this Projector chart [...]
I don't even know where to begin. But I'll try anyway.
In the fall of 2020, I felt utterly stuck. I've been living this Projector chart for more than 1,5 years. I was so excited about Human Design, passionate about studying and contemplating it. But something felt really off.
I've been running this Projector-only membership on my site for about six months, after running my previous membership for all types for about a year. And what I observed was concerning. It didn't lead to the expected breakthroughs. Not for myself and not for the people I served.
Instead, I saw a lot of confusion, overwhelm, and frustration.
And so I prayed (Tosha Silver-like) to the Universe for a sign. Little did I know that it would trigger a series of unbelievable events. Seriously, if you would tell me what would happen, I would not have believed you.
It's hard to explain, but I think it started in late December 2020, around Jupiter and Saturn's Great Conjunction. I had finally let go of the constant worrying about my work (again, Tosha Silver-like, I handed it over to the Universe).
About a week after the Great Conjunction, my mom called. She suddenly felt like sharing an experience that opened her eyes wide to some early trauma in her life. Because of that, we suddenly grew closer together as she could now also see the pain I went through because of all that unresolved trauma in our family.
I hardly had time to process this incredible shift in consciousness.
Within days after, I discovered that someone was working on something that would create a storm in the Human Design community (at this time, only a few hundred people know about it, and we've already been challenged by the traditional Human Design community big time): a True Sidereal calculator for Human Design charts.
Suddenly, my world turned upside down after discovering that I had been unknowingly using Tropical/Seasonal astrology as a foundation for my Human Design chart (I really didn't know a lot about astrology, period). Shortly after, I got my True Sidereal Human Design chart, and a bomb went off in my head.
My mind couldn't make sense of it, and that was very scary at the beginning. I tumbled head-first into a full-blown identity crisis. My mind was in a panic; I hardly slept for days. But for my body, it was different. On a deeper level, it felt like this was exactly what I needed to know and see.
It became very apparent to me how attached I was to my Projector chart and being a Projector. And that was a problem. That was a huge problem. That explained my initial shock when seeing my True Sidereal chart. Not because True Sidereal proved to be more accurate (really, at this point, I can't tell), but because of how different my True Sidereal chart looked compared to my Tropical/Seasonal chart.
I immediately understood how important it was to NEVER put Human Design in this "outer authority" position as most people do. And I was one of them. I highly identified with being a Projector, setting me up for a mental trip that moved me away from understanding who I truly am.
This became one of many revelations of 2021. And the year has only begun!
My mind always wants something to hold on to, providing answers, certainty, and clarity. But it looks in all the wrong places. And although I know this on a deeper level, my mind was still running the show. And that was about to change...