I was contemplating the Shadow of Gene Key 48 this morning.
Yes, that fear of being inherently inadequate. It's such intense fear [...]
I was contemplating the Shadow of Gene Key 48 this morning. Yes, that fear of being inherently inadequate. It's such intense fear, right? I had this gate activated in my Tropical Human Design chart, in my unconscious Moon.
There was a time in my life that conspiracy theories utterly absorbed me. I feel a bit vulnerable sharing this, but I was a follower of David Icke. I went to one of his 12-hour lectures in Amsterdam. Somehow, it felt a bit like how people describe being taught by Ra Uru Hu: very loooooong lectures, and yet, you kind of remember everything he said without taking notes.
Is David Icke channeling the same way as Ra did?
But the thing I realized later was that I actually was entirely absorbed by his theories because it fed my paranoia. And that paranoia kept me distracted from confronting one of my deepest fear: to be inherently inadequate.
It was easier to blame the Deep State and the Reptillians than to face what was festering deep down inside. That fear often completely consumed me into passivity. During the day, the only thing I did was scrolling down endless articles of so-called "proof" of the existence of mind-control, watching videos of that same "proof," further imprinting that knowledge into my system.
The problem is: it doesn't get rid of the fear. It just delays the confrontation. And when the confrontation finally came, I was shocked back into reality and saw the mess I left behind. Very painful. But necessary.
After cleaning that mess, taking responsibility for my behavior, a lot changed in my life. I was focused on doing inner work and not running away from my fears anymore. And, of course, it was a process of trial and error, and sometimes, I slipped back into believing minor fear-based theories, but it was never that big anymore.
At this point, these kinds of theories actually don't affect me anymore. It feels impossible to even dive into them as I feel the fear that's underneath it. Yet, people who believe these theories blame the government for doing all the fear-mongering, but if you look closely, the fear-mongering actually happens as a projection of people feeling unable to deal with reality. They create a different reality to cope in a sense.
As I read Richard Rudd's words on the 48th Shadow, it all makes sense. We tend to be so afraid that someone else might have knowledge that can be used to control us. But the true source of the fear is within.
We create all these systems to find a sense of security in our lives. And as long as we're involved in these systems, we can push fear to the background. But ultimately, it won't last. It will just become a more desperate attempt to hold on to what feels secure while true security can only be found within.
So, when comes that moment that we dive into the void and confront our deepest fears? That is also the moment that we will stop projecting that fear onto people and phenomena to gain control over our lives.
I dove into the void a while ago, and it wasn't pretty. It takes courage to sit with that level of discomfort, and I sure wasn't ready to do that until certain events, wake-up calls, if you will, happened. It was harrowing but, oh, so worth it.
And guess what — although I have no idea what this means, haha — gate 48 isn't activated in my True Sidereal Human Design chart. But with that chart, obviously, I have other challenges to face 😉